your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
