New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
