For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
