I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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