I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
