My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm at about main and main street
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
