i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
