i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
