11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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