I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
