I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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