Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
