No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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