I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It all started with a game of naked twister.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
