i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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