just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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