Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
