he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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