Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
