Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
