I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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