I am puke
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
