I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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