Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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