I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
