I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
