she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
