Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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