It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
