the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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