end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Say something about gay babies.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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