Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
