I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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