I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
