But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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