when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
