Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
