Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
