And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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