you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
