i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
