possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
