I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
