I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
