oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
