I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
