It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
