I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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