forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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