I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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