The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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