We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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