does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
