the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
