Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
