its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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