does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
