went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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