Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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