i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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