Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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