I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
